It's in our nature to want everything to be fine, so denial functions as a gloss over the harsh realities of life. When we ignore or refuse to believe what's going on around and within us, denial creeps into our lives. Denial is refusing to accept reality or a situation for what it is. As a self-sabotage strategy, denial operates very much to our detriment. The more you fear you don't deserve something you want, the more denial you have to use.
Here are some examples of denial:
“I eat pretty healthy most of the time – I don't know why I can't lose the weight.”
“I didn't want to win that trip. We're going to be going on a nice family vacation anyway.”
“It's okay if I don't make my promotion next month. If it's meant to be it will happen.”
I hear that last one a lot from leaders. But the truth is, we have to work for what we have and what we're meant to have is the skills and the work ethic to get us there. We can't expect to sit back every month and climb our compensation plan without putting in the work. But that's denial.
People who suffer from denial convince themselves they have done everything they could to get a good or positive outcome, when in fact they may be too afraid to try everything. They also deny that they ever wanted something in the first place, so they can try to avoid the feeling of disappointment or failure.
To get past denial, you need to continue to learn, grow and push yourself. You need to learn new ways of doing business, be willing to trying anything to achieve success and never settling for less than you wanted in the beginning.
Blaming – or projecting – is maintaining that the responsibility for the behavior lies somewhere else and not with you. You don't deny the behavior, but you place it's cause on something else or someone else, and not within yourself. I see this all the time in direct sales. People are so quick to blame anyone else that they can for the mistakes and actions they've made themselves.
Here are some examples:
“If my upline were more supportive, I would be better.”
” If my husband supported me, I would succeed.”
” If my job was more structured, I would have more time to focus on my business.”
“I don't live in a good neighborhood.”
“My friends don't make enough money to purchase the product.”
“I don't have people to watch my kids so I can go do a party.”
“If the company could get the promotions out faster, I could get more bookings.”
“I was never trained properly.”
Remember, YOU are in charge of your business. And only you stand in your own way. Instead of accepting defeat and putting blame on something else, work around it.
Don't have a sitter to watch your kids? Try an online Facebook party.
Don't have a supportive upline? Realize the business is for YOU and not for them. Find positive people to surround yourself with that push you forward.
Were you never trained properly by your upline? Find information. Look in your company's back office, READ all the time, pick up a copy of Direct Selling for Dummies and attend all webinars and team meetings that your leader puts together.
You and only you need to decide to take the steps to achieving your goals and not let your fears get in the way of your success.